So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
i may or may not be watching the land before time
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize