Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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