On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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