Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
