thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Randomize
