I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
NoShamevember. You game?
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Randomize
