There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Randomize
