apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize