so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
