Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
