I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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