Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
