Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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