you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
