Where did you get a picture of my penis
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
