maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
