i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
