I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Randomize
