I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
