He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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