im drinking this country out of the recession.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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