O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
