I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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