I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
