I'm lost and stupid without you.
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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