i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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