I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
