At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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