I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
