i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
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