You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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