From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
