Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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