mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
