dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
