i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
