I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
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