I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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