I got her a Nickelback box set.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
