plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
