I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
