there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
