glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
