Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
