what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
