worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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