we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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