He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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