It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize
