well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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