Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize