I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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