peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
