I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
