haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize