i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
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