when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
