I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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