Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
