Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
