All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
