A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
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