so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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