I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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