all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
What a dumb baby whore.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
My day in three words: secret purse cake
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
