Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Farmville is her only friend.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
