If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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