Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I'm passing your future prison.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
