he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize