well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
