you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
