The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
