How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Dicks are not precious.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize