You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
