thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
