Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Randomize