Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Randomize
