oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
