why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Randomize
