I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
