it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize