Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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