sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
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