At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
