Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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