I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize
