U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
