Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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