ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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