I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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