I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
