just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
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