So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Randomize
