I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I understand Curling. That high.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
