Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
