I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
