I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Randomize
