TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
im holly from the hills drunk
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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