my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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