i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
