Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
