Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
