Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
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