my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
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