I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
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