I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
