I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
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