I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
