so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
